14 March 2011

If "Worst Day Ever" Had Acceptance Speeches

We're in Heather's Pretend World today, and I will be riding on the coattails of the Oscar hoopla...total parody, of course...but not really.

First of all, the Rev. Fred Phelps would be presenting this award because he may be one person in the world that I detest.

Here goes:

Rev Fred: And in the category of "Worst Day Ever", the award goes to...March 14, 2011.

***Massive applause***

March: Oh my goodness! What an honor! Well, first, let's thank the Academy, and Satan, and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. But really, I wouldn't even have this award if it were not for one person: Heather!

Because of that damned git William Shakespeare and his "Et tu, Brute?" and "Beware the Ides of March" BS, nobody cares nor remembers the 14th of March. And it's a crying shame.

However, I suspect it will be several years before Heather forgets ME...March 14th, 2011.

The day started off poorly. Heather was on a week-long Spring Break, so the odds were rather stacked against me, I daresay. But then, in the morning, her husband points out to her a survey administered by an online group. The question? "If you were the Superintendent in your school district, what would you change?" Of course, the husband tells her not to waste her time reading it, and that is where the avalanche began. Of course she read it and become promptly furious at the ignorance of the respondents.

I really could not have tapped into a better wellspring of negativity.

Heather takes all things education very personally, and this particular survey hit an especial nerve, because one of the frequent posters is a student of Heather's. While he said nothing against her personally, he committed several errors in logic and reasoning. Because she considered him to be an articulate, intelligent student, she was sorely disappointed. In fact, I overheard her saying to her husband, "I've just lost a little faith in young people today."

Not to toot my own horn, but how many days in March can brag about being able to accomplish that??

So, all of a sudden, the morning was looking pretty bright and chipper for yours truly. Then, while Heather was out running various errands, her iPod was thefted from her minivan! Does it get any more better? Then her husband (because she was too wrung out to do it! Brilliant!) was forced to spend several minutes on the phone with Apple and the police. It's utterly likely that she'll never get it back!

However, despite this truly awesome day of mine, there are dark clouds looming. Heather's naturally buoyant nature might perhaps get her through this difficult day. She'll remember the "People, Not Things" mantra from her friend and be able to relinquish her iPod. She will heed the wise words of another wise friend who reminds her to "ignore the idiots of the world".

Ultimately, my fear is that all my good works of the last 12 hours will be undone. But, I can't let that dampen my spirits, dear audience...so I will just try to ride this wonderful March 14 out the best I can!

Again, thank you! Thank you!

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