13 December 2010

Dear Earth...

This is your mother speaking.

This message is for the children primarily within the Western-Northern Hemisphere section. America, that's basically you.

I understand that you are not very appreciative of the several inches of snow I sent your way this past weekend.

Why is this? You always complain about not having a White Christmas, so I tried to oblige this year. (Damned that Irving Berlin and Bing Crosby anyway.)

And, if my spies inform me correctly, you have a heap of charges to lay at my feet, including:

1. Ruining countless birthday parties, baby showers, weddings, and graduation commencement exercises.

2. Forcing many families to "hunker down" in the warmth and safety of their houses.

2.5 Forcing same families to wear pajamas all day long and eat lots of food and watch a lot of television.

3. Preventing thousands from finishing up their holiday shopping at those places called malls (Ha! When will any of you shop for me? I'd like a mended ozone layer, please.)

4. Forced hundreds of males to rev up their snowblowers...or worse yet, dig out their shovels.

5. Forcing thousands of children out into dangerous conditions to go sledding or build snowmen.

Have I missed anything, kids? Ruined, forced, prevented, impelled, did I? That is the pot calling the kettle black, methinks. What do you think you do to me on a daily basis?

Apparently, children, you missed the point: It's good to stay home, not spend money, wear comfortable clothing, and get fresh air.

Learn it. Love it. Know it.

That is all for now,
The Great Mother

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