You all know how the caterpillar works. She inches along, plodding, just wanting to get through this day, the next day....and so on.
Then, one day (quite unexpectedly, I imagine) she begins that biological process of metamorphosis. Wrapping herself up in a cozy, little cocoon, she is cut off from the world for days. And, then that day comes when she breaks free and reemerges as a butterfly.
That's always where the story ends. This parable is told often to children who are entering that "awkward" stage of their lives...someday they too will metamorphose from a slow, chubby caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly.
Except, nobody ever tells these kids that being a butterfly (or adult) can be just as awkward as being a caterpillar. Nobody ever mentions that being a butterfly is actually a bit more arduous and full of responsibility. Pollination? That's a pretty serious task. Sure hope they can handle it.
So...now that we're thoroughly depressed...let's bring it back around.
November is a month of metamorphosis for me. I usually withdraw into the tight little circle of my own home, disregarding much of what happens in the outside world. Part of this process is because of National Novel Writing Month, where many crazies like myself hole up to write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. But, with the onset of colder weather and the holidays, it's just a natural time for me anyway to "cocoon" myself up, so to speak.
Now, here at the end of November, I'm preparing to emerge from back into world. Like the butterfly, though, there is work to do. Responsibilities, jobs, duties, chores all await
Nothing like a little Henry David Thoreau Transcendentalism to start your day off right!
28 November 2011
11 November 2011
Epiphany #56 - In Which I Figure Something Out, But It Probably Means My Life Will Change
You what's weird?
It's November 11, and I have not pulled out any Christmas decorations. I have not played any Christmas music. I have not had a hankering to bake things.
Yeah, that's weird.
Anyway, onto the sublime title of today's blog.
For a few years ago, discontent was starting to seep into my professional life. Teaching wasn't as inspiring as it used to be; I was losing my passion and merely "going through the motions". So, I took action. I taught at the high school level only part-time, and I started adjunct teaching at the college. I told myself that maybe I needed a change of scenery, not to mention a change of clientele. But still, some unrest lingered...
Last May, I resigned my high school position for good, and remained an adjunct. So now I'm only working three, maybe four hours a day. Life should be good, right?
But, no, I'm still not feeling it. Many days come with some kind of mental pep talk to get myself into that classroom (once I'm there, I'm fine).
Concurrent with this timeline of events is that of me and my journeys with food. Food and nutrition are fascinating to me, and I feel sometimes as if I've entered into a lifelong love affair with the things. And this feeling has grown since a few years ago. Consequently, here became the dilemma slash paradox I needed to figure out:
Why am I deliriously happy to spend a Sunday morning and afternoon in my kitchen, cooking, simmering, marination, and baking - and yet I can hardly get my game face on for two, maybe three, hours of classroom teaching a day?
Here's the answer that came to me about a week ago: the difference is product.
When I'm in the kitchen, baking cookies, sauteing vegetables, or baking bread, there is an end product. My family, who then consumes it, provides immediate feedback. It's not always good feedback either. But, in the end, there is a tangible fruit of my labors. I usually know right away what worked and what didn't, and I can troubleshoot for next time (less water, more time in the oven, etc).
In the classroom, though? There's not such a product. Sure, there's student papers and assignments, but those products often have very little to do with me. Sometimes, they have very little to do with the students as well. And, when there is a problem, I might be able to troubleshoot it, but many times I cannot. There are often variables involved I can't contend with (abject lack of ability, lack of motivation).
And, well, knowing what I know now, that I thrive on seeing a finished product, be it poor or not, it's no wonder education has lost it appeal.
So, yep, that's where I am. I'm nearly 37 years old, and I think I am about to make a career change. And I don't mean a lateral change...
It's November 11, and I have not pulled out any Christmas decorations. I have not played any Christmas music. I have not had a hankering to bake things.
Yeah, that's weird.
Anyway, onto the sublime title of today's blog.
For a few years ago, discontent was starting to seep into my professional life. Teaching wasn't as inspiring as it used to be; I was losing my passion and merely "going through the motions". So, I took action. I taught at the high school level only part-time, and I started adjunct teaching at the college. I told myself that maybe I needed a change of scenery, not to mention a change of clientele. But still, some unrest lingered...
Last May, I resigned my high school position for good, and remained an adjunct. So now I'm only working three, maybe four hours a day. Life should be good, right?
But, no, I'm still not feeling it. Many days come with some kind of mental pep talk to get myself into that classroom (once I'm there, I'm fine).
Concurrent with this timeline of events is that of me and my journeys with food. Food and nutrition are fascinating to me, and I feel sometimes as if I've entered into a lifelong love affair with the things. And this feeling has grown since a few years ago. Consequently, here became the dilemma slash paradox I needed to figure out:
Why am I deliriously happy to spend a Sunday morning and afternoon in my kitchen, cooking, simmering, marination, and baking - and yet I can hardly get my game face on for two, maybe three, hours of classroom teaching a day?
Here's the answer that came to me about a week ago: the difference is product.
When I'm in the kitchen, baking cookies, sauteing vegetables, or baking bread, there is an end product. My family, who then consumes it, provides immediate feedback. It's not always good feedback either. But, in the end, there is a tangible fruit of my labors. I usually know right away what worked and what didn't, and I can troubleshoot for next time (less water, more time in the oven, etc).
In the classroom, though? There's not such a product. Sure, there's student papers and assignments, but those products often have very little to do with me. Sometimes, they have very little to do with the students as well. And, when there is a problem, I might be able to troubleshoot it, but many times I cannot. There are often variables involved I can't contend with (abject lack of ability, lack of motivation).
And, well, knowing what I know now, that I thrive on seeing a finished product, be it poor or not, it's no wonder education has lost it appeal.
So, yep, that's where I am. I'm nearly 37 years old, and I think I am about to make a career change. And I don't mean a lateral change...
10 November 2011
Current Events
I can't think of the last time I'd come across a bit of news that worked me up like I was last night. Originally, I woke up this morning, and planned on dedicating this entire post to the denigration of Penn State football coach Joe Paterno and the Penn State administration. See, they've been in the news lately and here's why:
Allegations have come light regarding Jerry Sandusky (Paterno's defensive coordinator from 1969-1999)...namely, that he sexually abused several youths over a 15 year period. Some of the alleged incidents occurred on the Penn State campus.
Just last night, Paterno (Penn's coach for the last 46 years) was fired by the Board of Trustees, along with the school's president and some other administration who had been informed of the incidents occurring on campus (at least one in 2002).
Here's my take on the whole thing. While I certainly don't condone Sandusky's alleged actions, I am more furious with Paterno and the Penn State administration. A grad assistant walked in on Sandusky assaulting a boy in the Penn State shower room. The assistant told Paterno, who informed the athletic director, who informed the president...who then proceeded to do nothing, but tell Sandusky he could not bring youths onto Penn State's campus.
Sandusky's going to get his due share. I truly believe that. I don't worry much about him. But I want the other guys to pay too. Because I can barely squelch that helpless feeling that no matter what great things I do for my kids, no matter how much I try to keep them safe - in the end, I can't do anything about the deviants out there. But even worse, I can't do ANYTHING about the other adults who want to protect the deviants.
There. End rant. I shall now let it go.
Allegations have come light regarding Jerry Sandusky (Paterno's defensive coordinator from 1969-1999)...namely, that he sexually abused several youths over a 15 year period. Some of the alleged incidents occurred on the Penn State campus.
Just last night, Paterno (Penn's coach for the last 46 years) was fired by the Board of Trustees, along with the school's president and some other administration who had been informed of the incidents occurring on campus (at least one in 2002).
Here's my take on the whole thing. While I certainly don't condone Sandusky's alleged actions, I am more furious with Paterno and the Penn State administration. A grad assistant walked in on Sandusky assaulting a boy in the Penn State shower room. The assistant told Paterno, who informed the athletic director, who informed the president...who then proceeded to do nothing, but tell Sandusky he could not bring youths onto Penn State's campus.
Sandusky's going to get his due share. I truly believe that. I don't worry much about him. But I want the other guys to pay too. Because I can barely squelch that helpless feeling that no matter what great things I do for my kids, no matter how much I try to keep them safe - in the end, I can't do anything about the deviants out there. But even worse, I can't do ANYTHING about the other adults who want to protect the deviants.
There. End rant. I shall now let it go.
31 October 2011
On Hiatus. Sort Of.
It's nearly November.
And that means:
NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth
or
NaNoWriMo.
50,000 words = 30 days.
I will try to update here when I can, but for now, wish me luck...I am nervous for several reasons:
1. This is an idea that came to me as I was reading the bio of Ben Franklin. That means there's not been much time to research. And there's quite a bit of research.
2. In general, I know how I want the novel to end. And that is about it. Eeek.
3. I'm writing in a couple of genres I've never been in before: historical fiction and young adult.
4. It's utterly possible that I might be called upon to write some teen romance scenes (nothing explicit)...and that is something I don't think my brain is geared towards at all. (Now, erotica...that I could probably pull off)
So. Here's to a happy novelistic November!
And that means:
NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth
or
NaNoWriMo.
50,000 words = 30 days.
I will try to update here when I can, but for now, wish me luck...I am nervous for several reasons:
1. This is an idea that came to me as I was reading the bio of Ben Franklin. That means there's not been much time to research. And there's quite a bit of research.
2. In general, I know how I want the novel to end. And that is about it. Eeek.
3. I'm writing in a couple of genres I've never been in before: historical fiction and young adult.
4. It's utterly possible that I might be called upon to write some teen romance scenes (nothing explicit)...and that is something I don't think my brain is geared towards at all. (Now, erotica...that I could probably pull off)
So. Here's to a happy novelistic November!
20 October 2011
What I Didn't Learn In School
Forgive me...this would have come out last night...but well, read the corollaries below.
So, tonight, I'm supposed to talk about Ben Franklin. I will make the best effort I can, but a few things are set against me:
1. I attended a workout class at my local YMCA tonight. The title of the class? Body Assault. Funny, I know. I do feel like I've been assaulted. I am particularly feeling depleted of energy, and so we will see how the exhausted brain functions.
2. I finished the 'Conclusions' portion of the biography nearly 24 hours ago, which wrapped up BF's life in a nice neat nutshell (with modern commentary). Thus, it's been near two days since I've read the "good stuff". I hope I remember enough of what I wanted to say to sound coherent.
So, let's get to it. I'm going to write this up as it makes logical sense to me - in the form of lists.
What I Admire About B. Franklin:
1. Industrious. He was a really hardworker, and he really believed that ethic was the key to success. He “retired” in his forties, but he still continued to be active (especially in Paris).
2. Clever. A 14-year-old boy writing anonymous, satirical letters under the psuedonym Silence Dogood (a middle-aged widow woman)? On top of that - the letters being really popular? Yeah, clever, indeed.
3. Diplomatic. Maybe this falls under wisdom, but he knew when to compromise, when to be quiet, and when to ardently advocate. I still can't believe all the plates this guy was spinning as he enlisted France's help during the American Revolution, not to mention the finagling of the Paris Peace Treaty. On top of that, the tiptoe-tightwalking he did during the drafting of the Constitution.
4. Pragmatic/Practical. This might be my favorite BF quality. Over and over again he demonstrated a desire to do things and produce things that would increase man's productivity and comfort. He ultimately believed working together, being part of a community, was far favorable to operating in one's own sphere.
5. Philanthropic. He was very civic-minded. He began clubs, programs, and schools, all with that practical benefit of advancing others.
On the other hand,
1. The last seventeen years of his wife's life, Ben spent fifteen of those abroad in various diplomatic capacities. Even though she (Deborah) wrote to him, speaking of her declining health, he chose not to return to America to her. He also chose not to return even when his only daughter (or son, for that matter), married or when they later birthed his grandchildren. Even though he completely able to make the voyage, and the business that carried him overseas in the first place was not urgent.
2. He was very adamant about taking his two grandsons to France (one was 17, one was 7) during the American Revolution. He accompanied them, to serve as America's ambassador/negotiator near Paris. Shortly after arriving, BF shipped the seven-year-old off to an academy in Switzerland. Even when the child grew frail and introverted from loneliness, homesickness, etc., Franklin did not send for him, visit him, or increase communications to him.
3. He was not adverse to the practice of nepotism, as he ceaselessly tried to procure jobs for his son (until they stopped speaking for good), grandsons, son-in-law, nephews, etc.
And…as is typical, I'm now run out of steam on this. Lest I fall victim to Bill Clinton syndrome, let me say that I understand that a person's public life may be very different from their private lives, and that we shouldn't always be so quick to intermingle the two. However, the Isaacson bio is very clear: Ben Franklin was eager to mix public and private, business and pleasure whenever possible…so, should we as well, to follow his example?
That BF was a self-directed, hardworking compromiser is truth. That he was curious, meticulous, practical is well-documented and discussed. That he was perhaps the most important players during the drafting of the Constitution is no hyperbole. That's the rhetoric we all learned. What point would there have been in learning about his illegitimate child, innumerable flirtations and dalliances with younger women (while his wife was living, and then when she passed), and his remonstrances to his wife to be “frugal” while he lived an indulgent, indolent life in France? None, probably.
History is indeed written by the winners.
So, tonight, I'm supposed to talk about Ben Franklin. I will make the best effort I can, but a few things are set against me:
1. I attended a workout class at my local YMCA tonight. The title of the class? Body Assault. Funny, I know. I do feel like I've been assaulted. I am particularly feeling depleted of energy, and so we will see how the exhausted brain functions.
2. I finished the 'Conclusions' portion of the biography nearly 24 hours ago, which wrapped up BF's life in a nice neat nutshell (with modern commentary). Thus, it's been near two days since I've read the "good stuff". I hope I remember enough of what I wanted to say to sound coherent.
So, let's get to it. I'm going to write this up as it makes logical sense to me - in the form of lists.
What I Admire About B. Franklin:
1. Industrious. He was a really hardworker, and he really believed that ethic was the key to success. He “retired” in his forties, but he still continued to be active (especially in Paris).
2. Clever. A 14-year-old boy writing anonymous, satirical letters under the psuedonym Silence Dogood (a middle-aged widow woman)? On top of that - the letters being really popular? Yeah, clever, indeed.
3. Diplomatic. Maybe this falls under wisdom, but he knew when to compromise, when to be quiet, and when to ardently advocate. I still can't believe all the plates this guy was spinning as he enlisted France's help during the American Revolution, not to mention the finagling of the Paris Peace Treaty. On top of that, the tiptoe-tightwalking he did during the drafting of the Constitution.
4. Pragmatic/Practical. This might be my favorite BF quality. Over and over again he demonstrated a desire to do things and produce things that would increase man's productivity and comfort. He ultimately believed working together, being part of a community, was far favorable to operating in one's own sphere.
5. Philanthropic. He was very civic-minded. He began clubs, programs, and schools, all with that practical benefit of advancing others.
On the other hand,
1. The last seventeen years of his wife's life, Ben spent fifteen of those abroad in various diplomatic capacities. Even though she (Deborah) wrote to him, speaking of her declining health, he chose not to return to America to her. He also chose not to return even when his only daughter (or son, for that matter), married or when they later birthed his grandchildren. Even though he completely able to make the voyage, and the business that carried him overseas in the first place was not urgent.
2. He was very adamant about taking his two grandsons to France (one was 17, one was 7) during the American Revolution. He accompanied them, to serve as America's ambassador/negotiator near Paris. Shortly after arriving, BF shipped the seven-year-old off to an academy in Switzerland. Even when the child grew frail and introverted from loneliness, homesickness, etc., Franklin did not send for him, visit him, or increase communications to him.
3. He was not adverse to the practice of nepotism, as he ceaselessly tried to procure jobs for his son (until they stopped speaking for good), grandsons, son-in-law, nephews, etc.
And…as is typical, I'm now run out of steam on this. Lest I fall victim to Bill Clinton syndrome, let me say that I understand that a person's public life may be very different from their private lives, and that we shouldn't always be so quick to intermingle the two. However, the Isaacson bio is very clear: Ben Franklin was eager to mix public and private, business and pleasure whenever possible…so, should we as well, to follow his example?
That BF was a self-directed, hardworking compromiser is truth. That he was curious, meticulous, practical is well-documented and discussed. That he was perhaps the most important players during the drafting of the Constitution is no hyperbole. That's the rhetoric we all learned. What point would there have been in learning about his illegitimate child, innumerable flirtations and dalliances with younger women (while his wife was living, and then when she passed), and his remonstrances to his wife to be “frugal” while he lived an indulgent, indolent life in France? None, probably.
History is indeed written by the winners.
18 October 2011
A First Here @ WYWH - A Book Review
Today's blog entry is misleading, I admit. I've talked about books here before.
And, actually, now that I think about it...I really won't be 'reviewing' the book I've read, per se. I want to discuss the subject, not the writer, per se.
I suppose the honorable thing to do here is change my title. But I don't think I will. It's America, and my founding fathers drafted the Constitution to ensure I could make such frivolous decisions as these...
Speaking of Founding Fathers, I've been reading (egads! - of my own interest and volition) Walter Isaacson's Biography of Ben Franklin. I've enjoyed the 500-page tome, actually, and am actually nearing the very end of it. Thus, I plan on discussing in tomorrow's blog post.
I will say, though, the jury is out. I think I like Ben Franklin, but on the other hand, I'm pretty sure he pisses me off.
Until tomorrow!
And, actually, now that I think about it...I really won't be 'reviewing' the book I've read, per se. I want to discuss the subject, not the writer, per se.
I suppose the honorable thing to do here is change my title. But I don't think I will. It's America, and my founding fathers drafted the Constitution to ensure I could make such frivolous decisions as these...
Speaking of Founding Fathers, I've been reading (egads! - of my own interest and volition) Walter Isaacson's Biography of Ben Franklin. I've enjoyed the 500-page tome, actually, and am actually nearing the very end of it. Thus, I plan on discussing in tomorrow's blog post.
I will say, though, the jury is out. I think I like Ben Franklin, but on the other hand, I'm pretty sure he pisses me off.
Until tomorrow!
16 October 2011
Egg On My Face
It has been a long time since I've had to admit embarrassment. Publicly, that is.
Of course, the aforementioned embarrassment has occurred in real-time; thus, I don't even really have to mention it here. But, I shall, so that others after me will take note.
Allow me to reiterate that important adage: Everything in moderation.
Remember a couple of posts back when I was raving about the FanStory website? I could write and post and receive feedback and enter contests to my heart's content...and I went on and on about how Productive I was?
Okay, my fervent ardor was waned. A little. Last week I got caught up in entering contests, particularly of poetry, of which I am not terribly skilled at writing. I composed a clever limerick that I thought was rather catchy...and I didn't do as well as I would have liked. In my darkest hour, I surmised that a conspiracy was afoot...pockets of friends at FanStory vote for each other's entries, thus keeping the new blood out.
It was then I realized that I'm writing for the wrong reasons. I should be writing to write, not writing to win fake member dollars in a contest.
And for goodness sake, I must lay off the poetry. Someone is trying to tell me something. But, for your own edification, I will reprint my limerick here:
Of course, the aforementioned embarrassment has occurred in real-time; thus, I don't even really have to mention it here. But, I shall, so that others after me will take note.
Allow me to reiterate that important adage: Everything in moderation.
Remember a couple of posts back when I was raving about the FanStory website? I could write and post and receive feedback and enter contests to my heart's content...and I went on and on about how Productive I was?
Okay, my fervent ardor was waned. A little. Last week I got caught up in entering contests, particularly of poetry, of which I am not terribly skilled at writing. I composed a clever limerick that I thought was rather catchy...and I didn't do as well as I would have liked. In my darkest hour, I surmised that a conspiracy was afoot...pockets of friends at FanStory vote for each other's entries, thus keeping the new blood out.
It was then I realized that I'm writing for the wrong reasons. I should be writing to write, not writing to win fake member dollars in a contest.
And for goodness sake, I must lay off the poetry. Someone is trying to tell me something. But, for your own edification, I will reprint my limerick here:
Spelling Is Important
If there is a skill one should do well,
I recommend knowing how to spell.
When mistake is 'mystic'
or public is 'pubic',
it is essential, as you can tell!
I recommend knowing how to spell.
When mistake is 'mystic'
or public is 'pubic',
it is essential, as you can tell!
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