Warning: It's highly probable that where I start and where I finish will be two totally different places.
Having a 15-year-old foreign exchange student live with us for the last ten months has been interesting, to put it blandly. To have Instant High Schooler! in our house has sparked innumerable conversations between my husband and I on expectations, behaviors, restrictions, limits, and consequences (mostly for our own children as they approach the years ahead).
When our children were smaller, Brent and I were the United Front, mostly. Bedtimes, naptimes, dinnertimes, playtimes...we were of like minds. However, we've discovered that as our children grow older, our parenting philosophies begin to differ a little. Our conversations have centered around attempting to harmonize the two... and it's easier said than done.
I'm much more inclined to say 'no' than Brent is...for reasons I can't always pinpoint. And as I read Bringing Up Bebe, I realize it's part of our American parenting culture. Pregnant American women inherently know that being with child involves homework. Reading every pregnancy and baby book and magazine...as well as joining every online baby-related cohort we can is part of being well-prepared. Within that literature (which reflects parenting philosophies like Dr. Spock's), is the idea that children are rational people who have all kinds of rights. But, as Druckerman says, this concept has many parents (globally) thinking if they listen to what a child says, they must also do what s/he says as well.
Allow me to illustrate this kind of parenting indoctrination I feel I've undergone. I came across these two news stories on Yahoo! today:
Eight-year-old gets 'Catastrophe Award' for Most Homework Excuses
Three-year-old Kicked Off Alaska Airlines
(By the way, search for this story...you'll find a few different versions. Interesting, the media is)
In both stories, my knee-jerk reaction was one of mild outrage. How dare a teacher poke fun at a student's academic shortcoming? How dare a toddler be not allowed to ride on a plane?
But, then...maybe because I've been reading, thinking, and talking about this type of thing, my immediate reaction was different. While giving a second-grader a jokey award for Most Homework Excuses may be tasteless ('cruel' and 'disturbing', the kid's mom claims), what's more disturbing is the child's pattern of not doing homework. Shouldn't the mom focus her energies towards that problem instead? Because that one's only going to get worse, not better, as the kid gets older. The child's "right" to not do homework supersedes everyone else's right in this case, and what's worse, the child is being exempted from experiencing any natural consequences stemming from exercising that "right".
In the second story, a toddler didn't want to wear his seatbelt (or wouldn't sit still or whatever, depending on the version you read), so his family was asked (forced?) to leave the airplane they'd been on. While I would need to know EXACTLY the kid's behavior was like to make a totally reasonable judgment call, I am in favor of the airline's decision, because: while it's too bad the toddler is uncomfortable (or cranky or sleepy, depending on the version you read), why do his rights supersede the rules of air travel? More importantly, why does the parent even question the airline's right to enforce it?
All of us work and live and play on this planet under various parameters. There are limits. Children, if they are rational beings, need to understand this concept...and parents are the ones who help them learn it. If parents don't teach their children that there are limits, what dangers (obvious and unimaginable) do we put them into?
It's a biggie...an issue that's getting kicked around a lot at our house. Druckerman, in her book, speaks of the French idea of cadre - a frame. Essentially, French parents choose a few key areas in which they are very strict...and then are relaxed about most everything else. French children experience a tremendous amount of freedom...but within limits. The philosophy is that children flourish when they know these boundaries.
This is not new information, I admit. American parents have heard of the ideas of limits for years. But, to ask myself: If there were only three or four KEY areas that I could be strict about, what would they be? Now...there's a fruitful discussion.
24 May 2012
Things to Think About - Summer Edition
Today is the first full day of "summer" here at my house. Yesterday, my children were let out of school 90 minutes early, and within the hour, the squabbling and bickering had begun.
This morning, my oldest's son first words were to his little brother, admonishing him to "please be more quiet when he wakes up". This was, oh, around 7:30...and all three kids were awake.
And we have twoish more months to go.
Here's the paradox I face this summer: With a bevy of camps, classes, and activities at my disposal, I could easily schedule my children so that they wouldn't hardly need to interact with each other. While that would cut down on fighting (maybe - no quantifiable data present), it also means I spend my summer taxiing my kids to their various things. I suspect this route would alienate our family even further.
But. All family, all the time? No extra classes or camps? No soccer tournaments? I don't think that is totally desirable for the emotional well-being of all parties involved.
There's got to be a compromise.
I've just started reading Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting...and the author notices a "invisible, civilizing force" among French children and their parents. No coercion, no fear, no ignoring, but French children behave AND interact positively with their parents!
So, it looks like that's my task for the summer. Yeah.
This morning, my oldest's son first words were to his little brother, admonishing him to "please be more quiet when he wakes up". This was, oh, around 7:30...and all three kids were awake.
And we have twoish more months to go.
Here's the paradox I face this summer: With a bevy of camps, classes, and activities at my disposal, I could easily schedule my children so that they wouldn't hardly need to interact with each other. While that would cut down on fighting (maybe - no quantifiable data present), it also means I spend my summer taxiing my kids to their various things. I suspect this route would alienate our family even further.
But. All family, all the time? No extra classes or camps? No soccer tournaments? I don't think that is totally desirable for the emotional well-being of all parties involved.
There's got to be a compromise.
I've just started reading Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting...and the author notices a "invisible, civilizing force" among French children and their parents. No coercion, no fear, no ignoring, but French children behave AND interact positively with their parents!
So, it looks like that's my task for the summer. Yeah.
20 May 2012
Shameless Plug
My apologies for not posting here sooner. School is out for me, and I've been finishing various long-waiting tasks.
Which reminds me...
My NaNoWriMo novel from 2009 - My Father's Daughter - has become available (like, today!) at Smashwords.
It's a relief to finally have it converted. Now...onto to other things! This summer looks to be promising. Our FES goes home in about two and a half weeks, and there will be some room shuffling that ensues after his departure.
Then, I've purchased a four-week unit study curriculum on the Olympics that I'll start with the kids in June. Even though Spencer will go back to public school next year, I see no reason why all my kids can't spend some of their summer learning!
As for myself, I plan to read as much of the works of Mark Twain that I can. I suspect my NaNo 2012 novel will have something to do with him.
Which reminds me...
My NaNoWriMo novel from 2009 - My Father's Daughter - has become available (like, today!) at Smashwords.
It's a relief to finally have it converted. Now...onto to other things! This summer looks to be promising. Our FES goes home in about two and a half weeks, and there will be some room shuffling that ensues after his departure.
Then, I've purchased a four-week unit study curriculum on the Olympics that I'll start with the kids in June. Even though Spencer will go back to public school next year, I see no reason why all my kids can't spend some of their summer learning!
As for myself, I plan to read as much of the works of Mark Twain that I can. I suspect my NaNo 2012 novel will have something to do with him.
30 April 2012
And Finally! The Tenth Secret
#10: Wisdom is Avoiding All Thoughts that Weaken You.
I can read and comprehend all the words written above. I can even comprehend the meaning behind the entire sentence. However, my brain stumbles a little every time I read (and reread) these words...and I think it is because the sentence above is a perfect example of an idea that is so simple and yet so complex.
Simple in its theory - yes, obtaining wisdom seems easy. Avoid weakening thoughts.
Complex, though, in the sense that execution is difficult. Paradox!
Here's the mental breakthrough I've had while reading this book. Dr. Dyer's secrets to inner peace and success are truly accessible...if we are willing to retrain our brains. We must think purposefully, constantly monitor our internal reactions to thoughts, and visualize what to do with such thought when they arise.
In fact, Dr. Dyer says, "Authentic wisdom is the ability to monitor yourself at all times to determine your relative state of weakness or strength, and to shift out of these thoughts that weaken you (146)."
In what might be construed as a little spiritual physics lesson, Dyer discusses the idea of power and force (as first elaborated upon by a Dr. David Hawkins). Power involves thoughts that move us upward (the "high" energies - love, peace, kindness, joy, willingness, etc.). Force involves the "low" energies that drive us downward (anger, apathy, fear, shame, and guilt). The trick is to be aware when a "low" energy is acting upon you, and respond with a "high" one.
Empowering thoughts are healthy - not only in mind, but in body. (Now that honestly I'm not 100% sold on...but the spiritual part I buy). Ultimately, how we think, how we react - is totally our choice. We carry our thoughts around with us, they are ours, we control them!
The quotes for this particular subsection stood out to me, so I'll share them here - along with one of President Abraham Lincoln's.
"Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create that fact." - William James
"Nothing is, unless our thinking makes it so." - William Shakespeare
"People are as happy as they make up their minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln
One last final observation on the book. Many of Dyer's secrets work in synergy with each other...killing two birds with one stone, to use a tired cliche. For example, Secret #1 advises us to let things go and be attached to nothing. Dyer reminds us that it's okay for us to have thoughts but that we should immediately let them go. This principle resonates with Secret #10...avoid weakening thoughts. When we let the negative thought go, we move towards wisdom.
I enjoyed reading this text with my husband. We were provided with rich and meaningful discussion...not to mention mental awareness!
I can read and comprehend all the words written above. I can even comprehend the meaning behind the entire sentence. However, my brain stumbles a little every time I read (and reread) these words...and I think it is because the sentence above is a perfect example of an idea that is so simple and yet so complex.
Simple in its theory - yes, obtaining wisdom seems easy. Avoid weakening thoughts.
Complex, though, in the sense that execution is difficult. Paradox!
Here's the mental breakthrough I've had while reading this book. Dr. Dyer's secrets to inner peace and success are truly accessible...if we are willing to retrain our brains. We must think purposefully, constantly monitor our internal reactions to thoughts, and visualize what to do with such thought when they arise.
In fact, Dr. Dyer says, "Authentic wisdom is the ability to monitor yourself at all times to determine your relative state of weakness or strength, and to shift out of these thoughts that weaken you (146)."
In what might be construed as a little spiritual physics lesson, Dyer discusses the idea of power and force (as first elaborated upon by a Dr. David Hawkins). Power involves thoughts that move us upward (the "high" energies - love, peace, kindness, joy, willingness, etc.). Force involves the "low" energies that drive us downward (anger, apathy, fear, shame, and guilt). The trick is to be aware when a "low" energy is acting upon you, and respond with a "high" one.
Empowering thoughts are healthy - not only in mind, but in body. (Now that honestly I'm not 100% sold on...but the spiritual part I buy). Ultimately, how we think, how we react - is totally our choice. We carry our thoughts around with us, they are ours, we control them!
The quotes for this particular subsection stood out to me, so I'll share them here - along with one of President Abraham Lincoln's.
"Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create that fact." - William James
"Nothing is, unless our thinking makes it so." - William Shakespeare
"People are as happy as they make up their minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln
One last final observation on the book. Many of Dyer's secrets work in synergy with each other...killing two birds with one stone, to use a tired cliche. For example, Secret #1 advises us to let things go and be attached to nothing. Dyer reminds us that it's okay for us to have thoughts but that we should immediately let them go. This principle resonates with Secret #10...avoid weakening thoughts. When we let the negative thought go, we move towards wisdom.
I enjoyed reading this text with my husband. We were provided with rich and meaningful discussion...not to mention mental awareness!
28 April 2012
Treasure Your Divinity - Secret Nine
Honestly, I was ill-disposed to this section's title upon first reading. Until I realized Dyer is pushing God in the divine, general sense of the word, which may have nothing to do with the Christian church God (although it very well could).
Dyer speaks of being separated from our "source" of divine power, and that accompanying feeling of disconnection. A particularly illuminating subsection here addresses egos. Dyer says, "Your ego is nothing more than an idea that you carry around with you everywhere you go." While this doesn't sound terribly harmful, our egos throw the following spiritual obstacles:
- it is formed by what you have, what you do...and it "tells" you this is who you are.
- it puts you in competition with others for various resources
- it fosters distrust and wariness
- it reminds you (usually not in a constructive way) of what you're missing
- it saps our energy by keeping us in a "constant state of fear, anxiety, worry, and stress"
I'm no psychology major, but I can see the validity in this concept. Ego is what keeps society searching for ways to lose weight, stay young and be trendy. On a literal level, it's a problem because ego is causing the world to develop a convoluted sense of entitlement. It's our egos that keep us from being grateful or reaching out to "fill each other's buckets". On a deeper level, it prevents us from questioning our true purpose in life. Our ego chains us to this material planet. Ultimately, in the end, what we have and what we do does not follow us into death and beyond.
Now, here's the fun part (for me, anyway). We're all Divine creatures. We're part of the Divine creation, and there is a spark of Divinity in everything around us. Dr. Dyer goes so far as to state, "We are God." While I might have trouble stomaching that, it's food for thought. We are Divine - we go beyond the material - beyond the ego. We are greater than it.
While there is much in this book that provokes my thought, two concerns continue to plague me. True, I have not finished the book yet, but I've read ninth-tenths, which is enough to substantiate.
1. Specific ways to enact each of the secrets. Sure, Treasuring My Divinity sounds great, but exactly how do I do it? Maybe by Embracing Silence? Meditating? Unsure? I'm of a practical disposition, and some things just honestly need to be spelled out for me.
2. Inaccessibility of some of the text. Comprehension comes differently for everyone, and while I can read and understand all of the words on the page, sometimes, the ideas are too lofty or ethereal or esoteric...which can be off-putting at times.
That being said, I am glad I have attempted to recapture some of the thoughts here. I hope to continue the reflection on and implementation of many of Dyer's ideas
Dyer speaks of being separated from our "source" of divine power, and that accompanying feeling of disconnection. A particularly illuminating subsection here addresses egos. Dyer says, "Your ego is nothing more than an idea that you carry around with you everywhere you go." While this doesn't sound terribly harmful, our egos throw the following spiritual obstacles:
- it is formed by what you have, what you do...and it "tells" you this is who you are.
- it puts you in competition with others for various resources
- it fosters distrust and wariness
- it reminds you (usually not in a constructive way) of what you're missing
- it saps our energy by keeping us in a "constant state of fear, anxiety, worry, and stress"
I'm no psychology major, but I can see the validity in this concept. Ego is what keeps society searching for ways to lose weight, stay young and be trendy. On a literal level, it's a problem because ego is causing the world to develop a convoluted sense of entitlement. It's our egos that keep us from being grateful or reaching out to "fill each other's buckets". On a deeper level, it prevents us from questioning our true purpose in life. Our ego chains us to this material planet. Ultimately, in the end, what we have and what we do does not follow us into death and beyond.
Now, here's the fun part (for me, anyway). We're all Divine creatures. We're part of the Divine creation, and there is a spark of Divinity in everything around us. Dr. Dyer goes so far as to state, "We are God." While I might have trouble stomaching that, it's food for thought. We are Divine - we go beyond the material - beyond the ego. We are greater than it.
While there is much in this book that provokes my thought, two concerns continue to plague me. True, I have not finished the book yet, but I've read ninth-tenths, which is enough to substantiate.
1. Specific ways to enact each of the secrets. Sure, Treasuring My Divinity sounds great, but exactly how do I do it? Maybe by Embracing Silence? Meditating? Unsure? I'm of a practical disposition, and some things just honestly need to be spelled out for me.
2. Inaccessibility of some of the text. Comprehension comes differently for everyone, and while I can read and understand all of the words on the page, sometimes, the ideas are too lofty or ethereal or esoteric...which can be off-putting at times.
That being said, I am glad I have attempted to recapture some of the thoughts here. I hope to continue the reflection on and implementation of many of Dyer's ideas
26 April 2012
My Birthday in Links
When I Google the number '37', the first hit is a Wikipedia entry. The number 37 has all kinds of importance in the mathematical world, like:
A prime number
The fifth lucky prime number
The first irregular prime number
The third unique prime number
The third cuban prime (of some equation I can't even begin to comprehend)
Also...
37 appears in the Padovan sequence
37 is a Størmer number
37 (Celsius) is the normal human body temperature
37 is the number of plays William Shakespeare is thought to have written
And...
It's also how many years old I am today. It has been a wonderful day. Why?
Because I started my morning doing some service for others - namely, hand-delivering some birthday cake to my professional colleagues, presenting a "Cheap Places To Travel in Iowa" for a Mothers of Preschoolers group, and doing some volunteer grunt work for the professional theatre show in town.
The afternoon was then about me: a movie (the whole thing! uninterrupted!), a finished D & D blog entry, and a pedicure. Then, a walk with my husband before dinner with my family (at a place of my choice). We just now got home from the professional show I volunteered for earlier - The Lowe Family. Talk about a mind-blowing performance - I am still processing!
A great day - giving the love and surrounded by it.
A prime number
The fifth lucky prime number
The first irregular prime number
The third unique prime number
The third cuban prime (of some equation I can't even begin to comprehend)
Also...
37 appears in the Padovan sequence
37 is a Størmer number
37 (Celsius) is the normal human body temperature
37 is the number of plays William Shakespeare is thought to have written
And...
It's also how many years old I am today. It has been a wonderful day. Why?
Because I started my morning doing some service for others - namely, hand-delivering some birthday cake to my professional colleagues, presenting a "Cheap Places To Travel in Iowa" for a Mothers of Preschoolers group, and doing some volunteer grunt work for the professional theatre show in town.
The afternoon was then about me: a movie (the whole thing! uninterrupted!), a finished D & D blog entry, and a pedicure. Then, a walk with my husband before dinner with my family (at a place of my choice). We just now got home from the professional show I volunteered for earlier - The Lowe Family. Talk about a mind-blowing performance - I am still processing!
A great day - giving the love and surrounded by it.
25 April 2012
Secret 7: There Are No Justified Resentments
With any concept, theme, idea - it hardly ever happens that the entire thing is accepted. Parts of the idea or concept are feasible, while others are questioned or discarded. And, as the late singer Ricky Nelson said, "you can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself."
With Dr. Wayne Dyer's book 10 Secrets to Inner Peace and Success, Brent and I are finding this particular tenet to be true. Some of the secrets speak to us more ardently, while others we have a hard time grasping.
Today's secret - There Are No Justified Resentments - is one that jumped out, screaming for attention, at both of us.
You only need to be a conscious mind in this world for ten minutes to understand how the Blame Game works. The media, especially, has made the most of victimhood. Injustices are always someone else's fault. Fingers are pointed, litigations are drawn out, and people just never get over it.
But, on a smaller scale, Dyer says, we carry around all these injuries: who's wronged or offended us. And sometimes we never get over it! And Dyer then makes a great point, "Any time you're filled with resentment, you're turning the controls of your emotional life over to others."
We let others be in charge of how we feel. If instead, we accept it, we own it (regardless of who's fault it is), then we have the power to get rid of it. But, if we wait for the person who hurt us to rectify the offense, we're totally dependent on someone else ... if and when they ever make reparations.
This is simple, but monumental.
Other highlights from this section:
- Take responsibility for your part in things. This was a mulling point for Brent and I...how often we've thought of what the other person did to us, but hardly ever do we consider the role we played in the situation.
- Be kind rather than be right. Wowee, was this a big 'un. I know I certainly have that "I've got to fight for it" mindset at times. But what's so great about being right? Wait - let me rephrase that - what's so great about others knowing we're right?
- Try to respond with love, kindness, and peace.
- Don't waste energy being offended or put out. Let things happen as they do, and then let them go.
- Thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred represent slow, debilitating energies that disenpower.
And as I head over to the university today for my classes, I will keep this in mind. :)
With Dr. Wayne Dyer's book 10 Secrets to Inner Peace and Success, Brent and I are finding this particular tenet to be true. Some of the secrets speak to us more ardently, while others we have a hard time grasping.
Today's secret - There Are No Justified Resentments - is one that jumped out, screaming for attention, at both of us.
You only need to be a conscious mind in this world for ten minutes to understand how the Blame Game works. The media, especially, has made the most of victimhood. Injustices are always someone else's fault. Fingers are pointed, litigations are drawn out, and people just never get over it.
But, on a smaller scale, Dyer says, we carry around all these injuries: who's wronged or offended us. And sometimes we never get over it! And Dyer then makes a great point, "Any time you're filled with resentment, you're turning the controls of your emotional life over to others."
We let others be in charge of how we feel. If instead, we accept it, we own it (regardless of who's fault it is), then we have the power to get rid of it. But, if we wait for the person who hurt us to rectify the offense, we're totally dependent on someone else ... if and when they ever make reparations.
This is simple, but monumental.
Other highlights from this section:
- Take responsibility for your part in things. This was a mulling point for Brent and I...how often we've thought of what the other person did to us, but hardly ever do we consider the role we played in the situation.
- Be kind rather than be right. Wowee, was this a big 'un. I know I certainly have that "I've got to fight for it" mindset at times. But what's so great about being right? Wait - let me rephrase that - what's so great about others knowing we're right?
- Try to respond with love, kindness, and peace.
- Don't waste energy being offended or put out. Let things happen as they do, and then let them go.
- Thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred represent slow, debilitating energies that disenpower.
And as I head over to the university today for my classes, I will keep this in mind. :)
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