15 January 2011

Let's Talk About Death

A half-dozen times I have attempted to start a blog post here, and half a dozen, I have deleted in because I could barely articulate coherent thought.

On the seventh time, I am just going to forge ahead and hope for the best.

My dad's eldest sister, my aunt, is dying. She has what the doctors call fast-moving cancer. Most of my aunts and cousins have poured in today from various parts of the country to say their goodbyes and be there for each other.

I visited Auntie last Saturday, yesterday, and then again today. I do not know if I will see again before she passes.

As can be expected with these types of events, I can't help thinking about death and reevaluating my life.

Yuena Zhen reminds me that the Tao says death is natural and Nature does not discern - it is "impartial". This I know and have been at peace with since I became a pagan.

I am not afraid to die. My only wish is that I don't die a violent death at the hands of someone besides myself. I don't want my death to be a "senseless tragedy"...but then, Yuena reminds me that just because it doesn't make sense to me or my loved ones, doesn't mean it is without sense.

The universe is unfolding as it should, whether I realize it or not. I won't always be privy to events I might consider "senseless". Death is inevitable, even if it doesn't happen at the time we want it to.

It is what it is.

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