19 June 2010

Summer Fashion Trends!

Today was the first day in awhile that a.) the kids and I happened to have NOTHING to do and b.) the weather was hot and sunny.

And when these two things transpire at the same time, you all know what that means - it's time to hit the local swimming hole!

I always welcome the first pool day of the year. I look forward to observing the latest swimsuit trends, as well as the unveiling of exotic tattoos. In addition to this, I get a kick out of the social interactions between young men and ladies, who are engaged in their delicate and complicated dances of courtship.

1. The hot swimsuit trend this year is the string bikini. We're talking the old-school string bikini - the two triangle-shaped pieces of fabric that just cover the boobs and the briefs that tie at the sides. The colors this year are bright....turquoises, chartreuses, and fuchsias. I'm no slave to fashion, and so I did NOT turn out in my neon-colored two-piece.

And the world breathes a collective sigh of hidden-stretch-mark relief.

While I'm on this topic, I also noticed how easy it how to tell which girls were wearing their first two-piece ever...they kept their arms permanently crossed across their stomachs and breasts. I thank the stars that Kirby still prefers wearing one-pieces (although I'd have no problem lowering the parental hammer should she express a desire to wear a string bikini in the near future).

2. Being the tattoo admirer I am, I always enjoy pool season for this very reason. The hot new trend in this area appears to be tattoos alongside the rib cage, as I noticed at least one bikini-wearer sporting a line of stars along her side. I've also noticed that the number of tats a person has is directly proportional to the number of times they walk around the pool. The more tattoos, the more laps...

3. Nothing is new in the world of young people's interactions with the opposite sex. There are no current new trends, no new fashions. Every way that young people interact today resembles ways of roughly twenty years ago...except instead of string bikinis, girls then wore an early 90s version of a monokini. Otherwise, please note:

Similarity A: Girls then and now come to the pool in full makeup. But: 2010 girls go heavy on the black eyeliner. 1990 girls go heavy on the blue mascara.

Similarty B: Girls then and now come to the pool with their hair done.
But: 2010 girls have sleek, flat-ironed locks. 1990 girls have high bangs and sprayed wings.

Similarity C: Girls then and now slowly walk the poolside. Many times. So that 2010 and 1990 boys will notice them. Many times.

Similarity D: A, B, and C are done so that boys will pay attention. They usually show this by splashing the girls with chlorinated water. Both 2010 and 1990 girls are torn because a.) they want boys to pay attention to them, but b.) they don't want to spoil the hair and makeup that's gotten them that attention.

Similarity E: After much cajoling from the boys, 2010 and 1990 girls will finally enter the water...only to either be a.) abandoned for belly flops off the diving board or b.) dunked underwater. At this point, both 2010 and 1990 girls realize the futility of the whole experience and either a.) sigh with disgust and return to the safe haven of their girlfriends or b.) don't care about looking like idiots and follow the boys to the diving board/deep end/concession stand, etc.

So, to recap, here are your swimming pool dos and don'ts:

1. Don't wear bikinis.
2. Get tattoos so I can look at them.
3. Don't do your hair and makeup to come to a SWIMMING POOL.
4. Stay away from boys - they're icky.

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