Little Earthquakes

For the record, one does not attend a major Midwestern US university in the mid-90s and NOT hear of the singer/songwriter Tori Amos.

As it was with me.  I even bought a few of her cds...one of my favorites being titled "Little Earthquakes".  However, today's blog post is not so much a review/rambling about that album, as it's about the reason why, today of all days, I am thinking of a indie musician's album title.

Geologically speaking, we know the earth changes daily.  It shifts, it spins, it elongates...this giant blue oval in space.  We can no more control it than we can control the sun (as much as we might try, however).  Every so often, our planet is rocked by cataclysmic movements...in the form of earthquakes.  People die, buildings topple, and lives change forever.

While these earthquakes can't really be prevented, many of the world's population choose to live in areas where they are less likely.  Less likely, but not impossible...and certainly not immune to "little earthquakes"...little tremors, little rumblings, little movements.  And while those little earthquakes don't completely upheave our lives...they leave their mark.  A tree dies, a hill crumbles, a landscape quivers.  Etc, etc, yes?

Two recent events in and around my neck of the woods turns this geological fact into a powerful metaphor.

Over a week ago, two young girls (roughly my youngest son's age) in a small town about two hours from here were riding their bikes from their grandmother's house...but they never reached their destination.  Family, volunteers, police, and even the FBI have been searching for these girls, to no avail.  Now classified as an "abduction", the search for the girls now involves questioning of suspects and alibis.  And as it goes with missing child cases, the more time that elapses, the more unlikely it is the girls will remain alive.

And of course, the second event, the one receiving an enormous amount of media right now, is the Aurora, CO movie theater shootings.

To me, these events are "little earthquakes".  Because of where I live, my involvement in these events is merely that of removed bystander.  However, despite that, they will certainly leave their mark on me.

The two occurrences provide a nearly imperceptible shift in my landscape.  I hang on to my children a little tighter these days (how can I not?).  I grow a shade more cynical about people and their motives (how can I not?).  I ponder the scary possibility that no matter how "right" I try to live, I can't prevent harm from befalling the people I love.

And suddenly the question of how then, shall I live? seems to have an unnerving urgency that wasn't there before.

How then, indeed?

Vacation...and Now I Need Another One

Vacations are crazy little things, you know?  I've spent weeks and weeks preparing for vacation, reserving hotels, checking driving routes, buying toiletries, doing laundry, packing suitcases, gathering books, games, toys, and snacks for the kiddos...

And then, just like that...our week-long vacation is over.  And time to get back to the "real world".  But first, I think I need a vacation from the vacation. :-)  However, I don't think I'll be lucking out.

The bulk of the week was spent in Ohio, at Cedar Point amusement park.  The roller coaster capital of the world, there was plenty of thrills available to all of our children.  And while amusement parks are all fine and well, I'll admit that they are extremely child-centered...which, frankly, can be unfairly exhausting.


We also pit-stopped in South Bend, Indiana to visit the College Football Hall of Fame, the campus of the University of Notre Dame, and South Bend Chocolate Company on the way to Cedar Point.  Then, on the way home, we jetted an extra two hours down to Indianapolis to the Children's Museum...which touts itself as the World's Largest Children's Museum.

All in all, it was a great vacation.  Things went smoothly and the kids had fun.  But, I can't help wishing a little bit that I could spend a day or two in a bed and breakfast somewhere with my Kindle and my husband.

How's This for a Fourth of July Celebration?

In honor of our nation's birthday, the family and I decided to watch History Channel's "The Revolution".   We actually wanted to know about the Declaration of Independence, but upon finding this episodic documentary on Netflix streaming.

And well, I know there's two sides of every documentary, but this one presented some new, interesting information that I recall reading in no history textbook.

The Boston Massacre of 1770?  Not really a massacre, per se.  A group of rowdy Bostonians were heckling and harassing a couple of British sentry guards, and chaos broke out when rocks were chucked by the mob...which then led to a willy-nilly firing of British muskets.  Eventually, five colonists were killed.  However, if you Google Images "Boston Massacre", you'll see the famous Paul Revere engraving of a line of disciplined Redcoats firing, at exactly the same moment, into a bedraggled crowd, who seem to be in the process of retreat.  It doesn't take long to research and find contradicting testimonies of what exactly happened that night.

But, it goes to show that even then, the media spin machine was at work.  Patriots in Boston took this event (referred to by British as the "Incident on King Street") and spun it in a way so that it appears that the British were looking for any reason to oppress and open fire on rebel colonials.  A means to an end, as it were. 

Washington’s complex character?  Through excerpts from letters written by the newly appointed Commander in Chief of the Continental Army, we learned Washington often questioned his appointment and ability to fulfill it.  That might come off as humble...a noble quality.  But, he also then declares in an Order written in November 1775, that for his army, "neither Negroes, boys unable to bear arms, and old men unfit to endure the fatigues of the campaign are to be enlisted [in the army].  That's...not so noble.  On the other hand, he acts with tremendous poise and grace after unwittingly discovering his junior officers are plotting against him after his military defeats of 1776.  Will the real George Washington stand up please?  And not in the head boat that crossed the Delaware River (because, really, that didn't happen).

British reasoning?  As it turns out, the British have spent a terrible amount of money on defending us from French raids and Indian attacks.  To recover some of that lost fundage, the tax its colony, America.  Not a terrible thing or reason to want it, really.  But that's a side of the story I don't remember hearing in high school.

Often throughout the documentary, the British are referred to as the best army in the world.  That an untrained, ragtag group of colonists managed to unseat that army's power in this country....well, that's just freaking amazing.  And especially since there were a lot of close calls too.

Ultimately, maybe the truth doesn't matter.  Maybe what really happened is somewhere in between what the history books say and what the TV shows says.  Those really were the times that tried men's souls.

Facebook Did Not Miss Me

This past weekend, despite sweltering 90-plus degree temperatures, my family (and in-laws) went on our first camping outing of the season.

I did not take my laptop, because a.) the whole point of camping is to detach myself (if only temporarily) from all social networking sites (read: Facebook). And b.) the campground has no WiFi anyway, so the point was moot.

This would also be a good time to mention that in the last two weeks, our family has switched cellular device service.  My husband dropped his Blackberry and its Internet, and so, that last bastion of technological connectedness was gone. 

And as it turns out, we're bearing the deprivation quite well.

Brent got through several hundred pages of his Stephen King novel, "Under the Dome", and I finished Jeffrey Eugenides's "The Marriage Plot and Debra Ollivier's "Entre Nous: A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl".  And when we were outdoors in the crazy heat, we were talking, golfing, walking, eating, or refereeing kids' badminton games.

Now that's what I call face book.

Parenting Is Getting Tough

I do believe my husband and I are about to leave our "halcyon days" of child-rearing behind us.  While I don't miss hauling car seats, diaper bags, and playpens around, those issues were minor compared to questions and concerns we face now.

1.  Our son recently turned 13 and received a Facebook account and a cell phone.  This is big time, you see...he is on the cusp of entering the young adult world.  About three days ago, he approaches us with a persuasive argument (typed up and everything).  He would like to purchase the game "Call of Duty" for his xbox.  This game is rated M for Mature by the ESRB (not to mention 17+ in several other countries), which is a red flag in and of itself.

The reason he wants this game?  About four of his other friends have it, and in particular, one friend is very good at the game and getting "cocky" about beating my son at it.  Beyond that, there is no other logic.  We cannot think of a way that this game helps our son, or provides him any benefit (other than social).  From what we gather, he is not being ostracized for not having/playing the game. 

He recently wanted the Final Fantasy game, which is rated T for teens, and so we felt that was an appropriate step.  That was about two weeks ago, and it was his first teen-rated game...and now he wants to leap into the Mature games?  Nope, Mom and Dad need more moderation than that.

While we will probably say 'no' at this time, this issue is not black and white. I *do* feel that my son is able to discern the difference between a game and reality, and I don't think the game would make him violent.  Also, he does not spend hours on end playing video games every day.  These two reasons alone prompted me to almost say 'yes'...until I realized I needed to go with my gut feeling on this one...and say no.

2. Then, there's our daughter.  She's 11.  She wants to wear bras and shave her legs.  Already!  It's time to have conversations.  And in this complex society we live in, these conversation topics are not just the typical "birds and bees".  We must discuss things like vanity and the media and compassion and being a role model and technology and sexuality.

As with any conundrum I have in my life, I turn to books.  My initial search results prove a little disappointing: many of the books speak of raising strong, courageous, confident daughters (yay!), but these approaches and theories are heavily Bible-based (uh!). 

Suffice it to say that I really can't get behind a Christian-centered approach to raising my kids.  And I don't like the idea that I can't do it well without the Bible.  Thus, I will continue to search for reference materials that are more secular.  Of course, at some point, I must stop reading about it and just do it.

Summer Has Begun

Just this last Wednesday, according to the Gregorian calendar, was the Summer Solstice.  The first day of summer...which I find amusing, because the time June 20-22 rolls around, we (us here in the Midwest United States, that is) have already had several days of uncomfortably hot weather.  You don't have to tell us it's the first day of summer!

Which leads (albeit loosely) into the question: what have I been doing with my summer so far?

And the answer would be: trying to keep a hold of my sanity.

It occurred to me late last month that 2012 marks my first summer of being what the government calls 'unemployed', but which I'd call 'in transition'.  I no longer have a place of employment, giving up my job at the college last month, and since I haven't started culinary classes yet...technically, I am shiftless.  And not just a temporary, on-summer-break shiftless either.  A kind of a hazy, in-limbo, maybe-temporary shiftless.

But.  It's also very likely that this is the last summer I will have that is completely at leisure.  See, next summer I'll be in class full time, and the summer after that, I expect to have a job.

So, I'm experiencing an internal struggle of sorts...I do feel like I should try to have a bit of fun and live it up a little with the kiddos...but I also feel this pull to be somewhat productive and full of purpose.

Because once August gets here and my new career course begins, life as I know it currently changes forever.

"Bringing Up Bebe" Book Review - Part Deux

Oh, and there's more...

- While please and thank you are incredibly important words here in America, the French consider these to be only two of the four.  Hello (bonjour) and goodbye (au revoir) are critical as well because the French believe that greeting someone is the first important step in establishing a relationship, and it “acknowledges the other person’s humanity” (154).  And so then I think, well, yeah, why shouldn’t children greet their visitors on their own, as opposed to skulk under the umbrella of their parents’ welcomes?

- French people speak of something called le couple, which encompasses the general idea that the husband and wife’s relationship comes first, even before the children (186).  Americans speak of ‘Date Nights’ as a fix-it for a stressed marriage.  French couples find this interesting, because for them, date nights are every night.  The children go to bed early, they stay there for the night, and the parents have couple time.  This is a non-negotiable, whereas in America, a notion persists that parents must make the sacrifices of time and effort for their children, often at the expense of couple time.  And how does that affect a child's well-being?  Not positively, as the UNICEF study would indicate.

- The French speak of an idea called the cadre (84), an overarching framework of discipline.  Key pillars or areas of the cadre are non-negotiable (eating, respect, going to bed, etc), but within that cadre, French children have freedom. For example, they must report to their rooms at the time set by their parents, but once there, they may do whatever they like.  (Incidentally, I’ve tried this for the last few nights, and while my kids like the freedom, they don’t stay up much past the “lights out” time.)  French parents choose a few key areas to enforce in their cadre, and enforce them well.  ‘No’ means no, and Druckerman picks up the phrase C’est moi qui decide - It’s me who decides (226).  We have a variation of that in America - Because I said so.  But sometimes we don’t mean it, because we’re spread so thin from trying to discipline everything that we do all things half-heartedly.  Or, we become too authoritarian as opposed to authoritative.

- And the final point I’ll address here (believe me, there are many more) is the idea of praise.  French educational institutions often come under fire for being too austere.  Students receive  basic praise such as tres competente (very competent) or everything is fine.  Because, after all, children are not supposed to be creative, they’re supposed to articulate ideas (253).  This particularly hits home for me, as a former educator, because I do feel we overpraise (as well as mispraise)...then we wonder why young people have an out-of-whack sense of entitlement.  I’ve had many students (high school and college) over the years who could hardly compose a sentence, but they seem to consider themselves worthy of being listened to.

The author never does trash the American way of raising kids, and she never openly expresses a love of the French way.  She provides interesting insights, though, and anyone who reads the book can take it how they want.  To change the UNICEF assessment data for the United States seems like a Herculean task, but fortunately, Druckerman is able to provide (unwittingly, maybe) tips here and there for any American parent open-minded enough to know there’s always room for improvement.