The Season

December is the month of exposure.  I have just decided this today.  It is the season of unselfish giving, but it is also the season of painful vulnerability.

Here in the Midwest, it's getting cold.  We've had a very mild fall/early winter, but December now (the two whole days we've been in it) has been a bit more raw, gray, and bare.  Really, just like a December should be.

So...exposed in that sense of the word. 'Tis the season of not-enough layers to stop a biting, gnashing winter wind.  Exposed in the sense that any bare skin from now until March is subject to the brutality of the elements.

And...because it's Christmas, it's the month of spending.  Of generosity.  Which is usually a good, great thing.  'Tis the spirit of giving, right?  But, on the other side of the coin, we are also exposed to that darker side of the giving season...in which we give too much, take too much...and we suffer the excesses of that indulgence.  We eat too much, we spend too much money, we drink too much...exposed to the consequences we inevitably know will follow.  Hangovers, weight gains, high credit cards bills.  Etc.

Then, here in my little corner of the world, there have been two tragedies that, while not affecting me directly, have still left me exposed.   And there is no month like December for amplifying tragedy.  Both of these tragedies have torn away loved ones, leaving those behind without husbands or wives or sons or daughters.  I think those losses are felt much more acutely in December...where Christmas, a holiday that emphasizes family and togetherness, only serves to sharpen the loss of those who experience it.  I still have a very close relationship with my parents, and both of my in-laws are still alive.  And I have had forty-some Christmases with my parents, twenty-some with my in-laws...and so my Christmases have been the stuff of Hallmark cards for decades.  For others, this is their first Christmas without a loved one...and for those people here? for whom the tragedy struck just this week? they will still be in tiny, jagged pieces when the holidays come around in a couple of weeks.  For December also seems to be the time when an emotional exposure is also more likely.  We seem to feel everything much more markedly. Our hearts and souls are exposed down right to the nerve and cold and wind.

And so, when Elvis Presley sings of a Blue Christmas...I totally feel him.

The Hills Are Alive...

If you take out the cute pixie cut, the nun-in-training apron (and austere navy blue dress), and the alpine background...you're looking at me today.  On Black Friday.

Oh, maybe seven or eight years ago, I got the itch.  So I went BFS (Black Friday Shopping) with my mother-in-law. I remember going to a Target that had a Starbucks...so I had coffee while I pushed the red cart around the store.  And that's all I remember.

Probably better that way, really.  Did I commit any crimes? Don't know.  Did I hurt myself or anyone else? Don't know.  Probably better that way.

My main goals on Black Friday are to get through all the laundry and not leave my house before noon.  So far I'm good...I did a quick spot of groceries at 3:30 and I need to fold some things out of the dryer.

I gotta tell you...it feels pretty damned good to have low expectations for Black Friday.

Giving The Thanks!

The streak lasted all of, what, three days?  I had only three days' worth of vitriol towards our incoming government?

So much for the prodigal daughter returning home.  More like the tired, middle-aged, soccer mom.

Anyway, I resolve to do better in the future.

Today is Thanksgiving.  And I am sitting here trying to think of a way to explain what it really is, or what it really means to me.  I suppose I ought to say it's about family and food...but that does not excite me right now.  I am not enthusiastic about either of those things this year.

I think, this year, Thanksgiving is all about the stop in time.  The break, for a moment, from the everyday schedule and routine.  And not that I'll be able to relax, actually, because I need to productive these next few days.  Because, here's the circus I perform in these days:

1. Adjunct teaching two days a week at College A (freshman composition), term ends the first full week in December.

2. Classwork due December 4 for four credits' worth of Continuing Education-type classes for my teaching license renewal.

3. Member of the Choir Booster Parent Executive Board, and the biggest fundraiser of the season is also the second week in December.  We've hired a caterer, but yours truly is the Catering and Serving Liaison.

4. AND...I started a new job this week at College B, also an adjunct instructor, in the Culinary Arts department.  Two classes, about ten hours a week.

5. Oh, yeah.  And it's still National Novel Writing Month, so I'm still working on that project.  Almost done, though.

I will try my damnedest to stop and enjoy the present, be with my families, enjoy the meals...but my stress level will skyrocket next week if I am unable to do some work over the holiday break.

However, I am thankful that I have jobs, I am respected enough to receive awesome responsibilities and this kind of busy is a good thing.

But, you dear readers, feast and cavort and drink to your hearts' content today!  Hurrah!

Hey, Education, I'm Trying To Parent Here!

Turns out I have a lot to say these days.  Third day in a row.

About two weeks ago, we bit the proverbial bullet and purchased iPhones for our two older children.  They are in high school, very active, and they'd previously been on a cheapo Walmart Trac-fone type plan.  And, the adage is true: you do get what you pay for, and in the end, Total Wireless's service was just not working out well for us. At all.  So, the niblets are now on our plan and new phones it is.  My daughter has been asking...nay, pleading, groveling, even for an iPhone.  You can imagine her exhilaration.

Well, like a freaking genie, wish granted.  Under very strict stipulations, mind.  The phones get turned it, we can check them at any time, they can be taken away *snap* just like that.  Okay.  Understood.  My daughter has her phone for all of two days before she has a major meltdown, disrespect and all, and *snap* just like that, the phone is gone for a week.  She's very very very sad, naturally.  However, after a very morose Day One With No Phone, she starts behaving nicely and treating her family members with, you know, RESPECT.

Good, we think.  She gets it.  Then, she comes to us yesterday.  Pleading, begging, groveling, even...with the sob story that there is a video assignment for Health class and could she please please please have the phone, just for the day, to be able to record this video?  It was quite the persuasive effort and we eventually relented and let her have it - for the day only.  To her credit, when she got home from school, she put the phone right back where it belonged.  She was even conciliatory with the fact that we tacked on another day to the end of her sentence. 

My husband grumbled, though, under his breath, about how ridiculous it was that the school just assumed everyone would have access to phones for schoolwork.  That teachers depended on it.  I saw the man's point.  This morning, I checked for her phone for messages, and there were two texts from the Spanish teacher.  The notes and exercises for today's quiz.

*Insert angry as hell emoji here*

This is aggravating, and what's worse, I don't know how to go about fixing what I see is becoming a problem with education.  I get it, most kids do have phones and it really is a good way for teachers to connect and communicate with students, because Gods know they don't bring the damn notes home anymore.  But the underlying assumption is that all kids have cell phones, and they have them all the time.  And when a parent tries to discipline and take these precious belongings away - the child suffers academically.

Well, guess what, school?  I'm trying to teach my daughter a painful lesson here...and it was working until I started feeling a smidge guilty about interfering with her ability to be informed about classwork.  However, that feeling has since evaporated, to be replaced by one of irritation: technology is interfering with my parenting! And I won't have it. 

Spanish grade be damned.  Let the curse of the Madre Mal fall on my head.

I Worry For You, President-Elect Trump

Dear Sir,

Honestly, I won't watch your inauguration in a couple of months.  I can't bear to look at you, truth be told.  For all your millions of billions of dollars, you don't represent my ideal of a classy, sophisticated leader of the highest office of our land.

That being said, I also have not participated in the slander and libel against you that many others in this country have.  I have not called you names, I have not protested your presidency, I have not posted links to questionable articles on Facebook that discuss how this country's now on a highway to Hell.  I assume that many other disappointed Americans like myself are asking the question of What now? How do we move forward?

You want to make America great again, and that sounds terrific.  But I want to know: great for who?  And what do you mean by great?  We all define that word differently.

So I read your plan for your first 100 days in office.  Trying to keep an open mind all the while, and I have some comments for you.

1. I realize how little I know about what the government does or has done.  I have no idea what the Offshoring Act or the American Energy & Infrastructure Act is...but it's probably time to find out, because you want to change those things.  And I need to know what that means.

2. Your very first idea in your list of concerns is "cleaning up Washington and special interest collusion in DC".  And right there, for the first time, I hear that little exultant voice in my head cry out "Yes! Please! Finally!"  Start with my long-standing state's senator who has obstructed the Supreme Court Justice selection process.  You want to impose term limits for Congressmen/women and Senators...and to that I say - YES!  Is it possible you have well-thought out plans that draws in someone like me, who has had a hard time stomaching everything you have been about this entire election?

3. There are a few items that distress me.  You propose to "cancel payments to UN climate change programs", using the money instead to "fix America's water and environmental infrastructure." That sounds okay to me, but please do not fall victim to that age-old Republican line of thinking that climate change, global warming IS NOT happening and if it is, it certainly is NOT man-created.  Keep an open mind on these things.

4. I voted against you, primarily because you will propose Supreme Court Justice nominees that will attempt to repeal amendments like Roe v. Wade.  And with three or so SCJs moving into their eighties, the likelihood that you may get to nominate more conservative justices over the next four years alarms me.  Enforce and uphold what is already there, please.

5. I read through your 100 day plan.  I can't tell you all the ramifications of the actions you propose, and that is because I'm the ignorant one in this case.  I hope to not be, though, in the future.  I do know that your one big priority (and that of the other Republicans) is to repeal Obamacare, a plan that my retired parents depend upon.  Do not let them down when you decide to replace it with a "Health Savings Account" plan.

6. And here is what distresses me, above everything else I read: Your fellow brother-in-arms and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has already gone on the record as saying the term-limits thing is not a priority for him nor the Senate.  In fact, he states that he believes there are already term limits now - it's called elections.  And when you rile people up about reforming Washington and "draining the swamp", this is the number one issue on their minds.  Getting the old guard out of the city.  It looks as though you've got a great battle ahead of you on that one.  I suspect it will fall by the wayside.  That is my lack of faith in the American political system speaking.

Mr. Trump, I think you are up against forces you cannot control, for all your bravado and tough talk.  You cannot just "bomb the shit out of them", as it were...even if the American people want that more than anything.  My question, really, then is: Will you rise above this?  Or will you become mired down in the good old boys' club mentality that has caused the political corruption and distrust in America?

Time will tell, indeed.

Oh, Yes...I Think It Might Be Time

I woke up this morning.

The sun was shining.  The birds were doing their bird-things.  The Earth had revolved.

It had, in fact, not ended...as I thought might happen after last night's election.

And, ultimately, the dishwasher still needed loading, laundry needed to be folded, and the family still needed to be fed.

My Facebook feed today was bursting with all kinds of vitriol...from those praising Trump to bashing Hillary to claiming God has a plan.  And I finally turned away from my computer, went into my kitchen, and made chicken noodle soup from scratch.

And I had a vodka soda and Oreos.

And I worked on my novel (because it is, after all, National Novel Writing Month).

Yep.  That's how I got through today.

And when the soup is made and the laundry is folded and the trash is taken out, and I have a moment of brain-quietness, the shock of last night's political upset creeps back in and I wonder...

How the hell did this happen?

And that's the question that prompted me to resurrect this blog.  It has been dormant for over four years. 

But now, I got lots to say.  Lots.  And not just about politics.  About everything.  Let the rambling begin.

Welcome back to me.

 

Amid the Haste and Noise

Well.  I've just sent my kids off to their first day of school, and now there's a niggling little voice just behind my right shoulder that is trying to guilt me into updating this blog...so, here I sit.  But, I have nothing terribly groundbreaking or even interesting to say.

Tell them about your summer, then.  Recap, says the subconscious mouthpiece.

Cripes, I reply.  That'll sound trite.  Not to mention lame.

There's no response.  Just a insouciant shrug.

...........

I suppose now, after sharing the above psychologically unsettling conversation with you, I've lost all credibility.  And I suppose that further means that, really, I'm at liberty to talk about what I want.

A summer summary, then.

1. I did not anticipate wanting to get (and then getting) a part-time job.
2. I did not anticipate having to spend a small fortune on clothing for school (chef-related, that is).
3. I did not anticipate being so....so anxious for the start of my new career adventure.
4. I did not anticipate spending so much time this summer discussing my children, money, and jobs with my husband...which is what perhaps adds to the anxiety mentioned in #3.
5. I did not anticipate signing up to run a 5k in October.
6. I did not anticipate beginning to train for said 5k in July.
7. I did not anticipate feeling so weird to not be reporting to an educational institution for work.

Even though I did not anticipate any of these, they happened anyway...which just goes to show that no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should (Thanks, Mr. Ehrmann).  Doors are opening, doors are closing, decisions are being made, and things are working out as they should.

Little Earthquakes

For the record, one does not attend a major Midwestern US university in the mid-90s and NOT hear of the singer/songwriter Tori Amos.

As it was with me.  I even bought a few of her cds...one of my favorites being titled "Little Earthquakes".  However, today's blog post is not so much a review/rambling about that album, as it's about the reason why, today of all days, I am thinking of a indie musician's album title.

Geologically speaking, we know the earth changes daily.  It shifts, it spins, it elongates...this giant blue oval in space.  We can no more control it than we can control the sun (as much as we might try, however).  Every so often, our planet is rocked by cataclysmic movements...in the form of earthquakes.  People die, buildings topple, and lives change forever.

While these earthquakes can't really be prevented, many of the world's population choose to live in areas where they are less likely.  Less likely, but not impossible...and certainly not immune to "little earthquakes"...little tremors, little rumblings, little movements.  And while those little earthquakes don't completely upheave our lives...they leave their mark.  A tree dies, a hill crumbles, a landscape quivers.  Etc, etc, yes?

Two recent events in and around my neck of the woods turns this geological fact into a powerful metaphor.

Over a week ago, two young girls (roughly my youngest son's age) in a small town about two hours from here were riding their bikes from their grandmother's house...but they never reached their destination.  Family, volunteers, police, and even the FBI have been searching for these girls, to no avail.  Now classified as an "abduction", the search for the girls now involves questioning of suspects and alibis.  And as it goes with missing child cases, the more time that elapses, the more unlikely it is the girls will remain alive.

And of course, the second event, the one receiving an enormous amount of media right now, is the Aurora, CO movie theater shootings.

To me, these events are "little earthquakes".  Because of where I live, my involvement in these events is merely that of removed bystander.  However, despite that, they will certainly leave their mark on me.

The two occurrences provide a nearly imperceptible shift in my landscape.  I hang on to my children a little tighter these days (how can I not?).  I grow a shade more cynical about people and their motives (how can I not?).  I ponder the scary possibility that no matter how "right" I try to live, I can't prevent harm from befalling the people I love.

And suddenly the question of how then, shall I live? seems to have an unnerving urgency that wasn't there before.

How then, indeed?

Vacation...and Now I Need Another One

Vacations are crazy little things, you know?  I've spent weeks and weeks preparing for vacation, reserving hotels, checking driving routes, buying toiletries, doing laundry, packing suitcases, gathering books, games, toys, and snacks for the kiddos...

And then, just like that...our week-long vacation is over.  And time to get back to the "real world".  But first, I think I need a vacation from the vacation. :-)  However, I don't think I'll be lucking out.

The bulk of the week was spent in Ohio, at Cedar Point amusement park.  The roller coaster capital of the world, there was plenty of thrills available to all of our children.  And while amusement parks are all fine and well, I'll admit that they are extremely child-centered...which, frankly, can be unfairly exhausting.


We also pit-stopped in South Bend, Indiana to visit the College Football Hall of Fame, the campus of the University of Notre Dame, and South Bend Chocolate Company on the way to Cedar Point.  Then, on the way home, we jetted an extra two hours down to Indianapolis to the Children's Museum...which touts itself as the World's Largest Children's Museum.

All in all, it was a great vacation.  Things went smoothly and the kids had fun.  But, I can't help wishing a little bit that I could spend a day or two in a bed and breakfast somewhere with my Kindle and my husband.

How's This for a Fourth of July Celebration?

In honor of our nation's birthday, the family and I decided to watch History Channel's "The Revolution".   We actually wanted to know about the Declaration of Independence, but upon finding this episodic documentary on Netflix streaming.

And well, I know there's two sides of every documentary, but this one presented some new, interesting information that I recall reading in no history textbook.

The Boston Massacre of 1770?  Not really a massacre, per se.  A group of rowdy Bostonians were heckling and harassing a couple of British sentry guards, and chaos broke out when rocks were chucked by the mob...which then led to a willy-nilly firing of British muskets.  Eventually, five colonists were killed.  However, if you Google Images "Boston Massacre", you'll see the famous Paul Revere engraving of a line of disciplined Redcoats firing, at exactly the same moment, into a bedraggled crowd, who seem to be in the process of retreat.  It doesn't take long to research and find contradicting testimonies of what exactly happened that night.

But, it goes to show that even then, the media spin machine was at work.  Patriots in Boston took this event (referred to by British as the "Incident on King Street") and spun it in a way so that it appears that the British were looking for any reason to oppress and open fire on rebel colonials.  A means to an end, as it were. 

Washington’s complex character?  Through excerpts from letters written by the newly appointed Commander in Chief of the Continental Army, we learned Washington often questioned his appointment and ability to fulfill it.  That might come off as humble...a noble quality.  But, he also then declares in an Order written in November 1775, that for his army, "neither Negroes, boys unable to bear arms, and old men unfit to endure the fatigues of the campaign are to be enlisted [in the army].  That's...not so noble.  On the other hand, he acts with tremendous poise and grace after unwittingly discovering his junior officers are plotting against him after his military defeats of 1776.  Will the real George Washington stand up please?  And not in the head boat that crossed the Delaware River (because, really, that didn't happen).

British reasoning?  As it turns out, the British have spent a terrible amount of money on defending us from French raids and Indian attacks.  To recover some of that lost fundage, the tax its colony, America.  Not a terrible thing or reason to want it, really.  But that's a side of the story I don't remember hearing in high school.

Often throughout the documentary, the British are referred to as the best army in the world.  That an untrained, ragtag group of colonists managed to unseat that army's power in this country....well, that's just freaking amazing.  And especially since there were a lot of close calls too.

Ultimately, maybe the truth doesn't matter.  Maybe what really happened is somewhere in between what the history books say and what the TV shows says.  Those really were the times that tried men's souls.

Facebook Did Not Miss Me

This past weekend, despite sweltering 90-plus degree temperatures, my family (and in-laws) went on our first camping outing of the season.

I did not take my laptop, because a.) the whole point of camping is to detach myself (if only temporarily) from all social networking sites (read: Facebook). And b.) the campground has no WiFi anyway, so the point was moot.

This would also be a good time to mention that in the last two weeks, our family has switched cellular device service.  My husband dropped his Blackberry and its Internet, and so, that last bastion of technological connectedness was gone. 

And as it turns out, we're bearing the deprivation quite well.

Brent got through several hundred pages of his Stephen King novel, "Under the Dome", and I finished Jeffrey Eugenides's "The Marriage Plot and Debra Ollivier's "Entre Nous: A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl".  And when we were outdoors in the crazy heat, we were talking, golfing, walking, eating, or refereeing kids' badminton games.

Now that's what I call face book.

Parenting Is Getting Tough

I do believe my husband and I are about to leave our "halcyon days" of child-rearing behind us.  While I don't miss hauling car seats, diaper bags, and playpens around, those issues were minor compared to questions and concerns we face now.

1.  Our son recently turned 13 and received a Facebook account and a cell phone.  This is big time, you see...he is on the cusp of entering the young adult world.  About three days ago, he approaches us with a persuasive argument (typed up and everything).  He would like to purchase the game "Call of Duty" for his xbox.  This game is rated M for Mature by the ESRB (not to mention 17+ in several other countries), which is a red flag in and of itself.

The reason he wants this game?  About four of his other friends have it, and in particular, one friend is very good at the game and getting "cocky" about beating my son at it.  Beyond that, there is no other logic.  We cannot think of a way that this game helps our son, or provides him any benefit (other than social).  From what we gather, he is not being ostracized for not having/playing the game. 

He recently wanted the Final Fantasy game, which is rated T for teens, and so we felt that was an appropriate step.  That was about two weeks ago, and it was his first teen-rated game...and now he wants to leap into the Mature games?  Nope, Mom and Dad need more moderation than that.

While we will probably say 'no' at this time, this issue is not black and white. I *do* feel that my son is able to discern the difference between a game and reality, and I don't think the game would make him violent.  Also, he does not spend hours on end playing video games every day.  These two reasons alone prompted me to almost say 'yes'...until I realized I needed to go with my gut feeling on this one...and say no.

2. Then, there's our daughter.  She's 11.  She wants to wear bras and shave her legs.  Already!  It's time to have conversations.  And in this complex society we live in, these conversation topics are not just the typical "birds and bees".  We must discuss things like vanity and the media and compassion and being a role model and technology and sexuality.

As with any conundrum I have in my life, I turn to books.  My initial search results prove a little disappointing: many of the books speak of raising strong, courageous, confident daughters (yay!), but these approaches and theories are heavily Bible-based (uh!). 

Suffice it to say that I really can't get behind a Christian-centered approach to raising my kids.  And I don't like the idea that I can't do it well without the Bible.  Thus, I will continue to search for reference materials that are more secular.  Of course, at some point, I must stop reading about it and just do it.

Summer Has Begun

Just this last Wednesday, according to the Gregorian calendar, was the Summer Solstice.  The first day of summer...which I find amusing, because the time June 20-22 rolls around, we (us here in the Midwest United States, that is) have already had several days of uncomfortably hot weather.  You don't have to tell us it's the first day of summer!

Which leads (albeit loosely) into the question: what have I been doing with my summer so far?

And the answer would be: trying to keep a hold of my sanity.

It occurred to me late last month that 2012 marks my first summer of being what the government calls 'unemployed', but which I'd call 'in transition'.  I no longer have a place of employment, giving up my job at the college last month, and since I haven't started culinary classes yet...technically, I am shiftless.  And not just a temporary, on-summer-break shiftless either.  A kind of a hazy, in-limbo, maybe-temporary shiftless.

But.  It's also very likely that this is the last summer I will have that is completely at leisure.  See, next summer I'll be in class full time, and the summer after that, I expect to have a job.

So, I'm experiencing an internal struggle of sorts...I do feel like I should try to have a bit of fun and live it up a little with the kiddos...but I also feel this pull to be somewhat productive and full of purpose.

Because once August gets here and my new career course begins, life as I know it currently changes forever.

"Bringing Up Bebe" Book Review - Part Deux

Oh, and there's more...

- While please and thank you are incredibly important words here in America, the French consider these to be only two of the four.  Hello (bonjour) and goodbye (au revoir) are critical as well because the French believe that greeting someone is the first important step in establishing a relationship, and it “acknowledges the other person’s humanity” (154).  And so then I think, well, yeah, why shouldn’t children greet their visitors on their own, as opposed to skulk under the umbrella of their parents’ welcomes?

- French people speak of something called le couple, which encompasses the general idea that the husband and wife’s relationship comes first, even before the children (186).  Americans speak of ‘Date Nights’ as a fix-it for a stressed marriage.  French couples find this interesting, because for them, date nights are every night.  The children go to bed early, they stay there for the night, and the parents have couple time.  This is a non-negotiable, whereas in America, a notion persists that parents must make the sacrifices of time and effort for their children, often at the expense of couple time.  And how does that affect a child's well-being?  Not positively, as the UNICEF study would indicate.

- The French speak of an idea called the cadre (84), an overarching framework of discipline.  Key pillars or areas of the cadre are non-negotiable (eating, respect, going to bed, etc), but within that cadre, French children have freedom. For example, they must report to their rooms at the time set by their parents, but once there, they may do whatever they like.  (Incidentally, I’ve tried this for the last few nights, and while my kids like the freedom, they don’t stay up much past the “lights out” time.)  French parents choose a few key areas to enforce in their cadre, and enforce them well.  ‘No’ means no, and Druckerman picks up the phrase C’est moi qui decide - It’s me who decides (226).  We have a variation of that in America - Because I said so.  But sometimes we don’t mean it, because we’re spread so thin from trying to discipline everything that we do all things half-heartedly.  Or, we become too authoritarian as opposed to authoritative.

- And the final point I’ll address here (believe me, there are many more) is the idea of praise.  French educational institutions often come under fire for being too austere.  Students receive  basic praise such as tres competente (very competent) or everything is fine.  Because, after all, children are not supposed to be creative, they’re supposed to articulate ideas (253).  This particularly hits home for me, as a former educator, because I do feel we overpraise (as well as mispraise)...then we wonder why young people have an out-of-whack sense of entitlement.  I’ve had many students (high school and college) over the years who could hardly compose a sentence, but they seem to consider themselves worthy of being listened to.

The author never does trash the American way of raising kids, and she never openly expresses a love of the French way.  She provides interesting insights, though, and anyone who reads the book can take it how they want.  To change the UNICEF assessment data for the United States seems like a Herculean task, but fortunately, Druckerman is able to provide (unwittingly, maybe) tips here and there for any American parent open-minded enough to know there’s always room for improvement.

"Bringing Up Bebe" Book Review - Part One

Only when I started typing this out did I realize how much I had to say.  I'll post it in two parts so that you don't feel like you're scrolling down the page here forever.

I’ve referenced this book several times in the last few days, and now that I’ve finished it, I guess I ought to offer a brief review and analysis.

Honestly, I can’t think of a non-food, non-fiction book that has made me think as much as this one has.

On page 122, the author, Pamela Druckerman, references a UNICEF document (abbreviated title: An Overview of Child Well-Being in Rich Countries) in which she declares that in spite of French children consuming “enormous amounts of formula”, they “beat American kids on nearly all measures of health”.  (For any readers who are interested, the chart illustrating this statement is on page 14).

Out of 21 developed countries, the United States fell in the bottom third in four of the six assessed “dimensions” (material well-being, health and safety, educational well-being, family and peer relationships, behaviours and risks, and subjective well-being; the US had no data for the last dimension).

Well, to say the least, I was shocked.  The assessment’s stunning results caused me to wonder, What are we doing wrong?

So, I’m almost halfway through the book, and I've come up with a pretty serious question.  Through Druckerman’s own research and interviews, she sheds a little light on this important issue.  Highlights (for me) include:

- “Suffering and self-sacrifice” seems to be the expectation for new American mothers (122).  Our babies sleep with us in the hospital rooms, we feed them on demand, we deprive ourselves of sleep...whereas French mothers regularly utilize the nurses and the nursery...and the French babies seem none the worse for the wear.   American babies, on the other hand, are well on their way to becoming used to a life of being waited on by their moms.  While we can maybe excuse this pandering at first because “they’re just babies”, it’s no longer cute when American moms cave in to their fourteen-year-old’s every whim.  

- French parents (moms, especially) strive to “get back their pre-baby identities”.  That is, they don’t wholly become absorbed in their children.  In fact, there’s a “universal assumption that even good mothers aren’t at the constant service of their children, and there’s no reason to feel bad about that (130).”  I found myself nodding at this statement, because I wonder how much time I’ve spent “in the service” of my children.  And then, my mind begins to dream up all sorts of crazy questions like, how much of that time has been ‘quality’?  How much of that time has been waiting for a sports/theatre/choir practice to end?  How much of that time have I been thanked for? 

- And while I’m on that subject, Druckerman relates the story of a French mother living in Brooklyn (140).  The mother is surprised at how American parents put a lot of stock in their children’s success at sports, not to mention an obsession with anything that might give their children an edge in competing (camps, private trainers, elite equipment). American parents are “constrained” in just every area of their children’s lives, not just sports.

Kids: Can't Ridicule Them and Can't Kick Them Off Airplanes

Warning: It's highly probable that where I start and where I finish will be two totally different places.

Having a 15-year-old foreign exchange student live with us for the last ten months has been interesting, to put it blandly.  To have Instant High Schooler! in our house has sparked innumerable conversations between my husband and I on expectations, behaviors, restrictions, limits, and consequences (mostly for our own children as they approach the years ahead).

When our children were smaller, Brent and I were the United Front, mostly.  Bedtimes, naptimes, dinnertimes, playtimes...we were of like minds.  However, we've discovered that as our children grow older, our parenting philosophies begin to differ a little.  Our conversations have centered around attempting to harmonize the two... and it's easier said than done. 

I'm much more inclined to say 'no' than Brent is...for reasons I can't always pinpoint.  And as I read Bringing Up Bebe, I realize it's part of our American parenting culture.  Pregnant American women inherently know that being with child involves homework.  Reading every pregnancy and baby book and magazine...as well as joining every online baby-related cohort we can is part of being well-prepared.  Within that literature (which reflects parenting philosophies like Dr. Spock's), is the idea that children are rational people who have all kinds of rights.  But, as Druckerman says, this concept has many parents (globally) thinking if they listen to what a child says, they must also do what s/he says as well.

Allow me to illustrate this kind of parenting indoctrination I feel I've undergone.  I came across these two news stories on Yahoo! today:

Eight-year-old gets 'Catastrophe Award' for Most Homework Excuses

Three-year-old Kicked Off Alaska Airlines
(By the way, search for this story...you'll find a few different versions.  Interesting, the media is)

In both stories, my knee-jerk reaction was one of mild outrage.  How dare a teacher poke fun at a student's academic shortcoming?  How dare a toddler be not allowed to ride on a plane?

But, then...maybe because I've been reading, thinking, and talking about this type of thing, my immediate reaction was different.  While giving a second-grader a jokey award for Most Homework Excuses may be tasteless ('cruel' and 'disturbing', the kid's mom claims), what's more disturbing is the child's pattern of not doing homework.  Shouldn't the mom focus her energies towards that problem instead?  Because that one's only going to get worse, not better, as the kid gets older.  The child's "right" to not do homework supersedes everyone else's right in this case, and what's worse, the child is being exempted from experiencing any natural consequences stemming from exercising that "right".

In the second story, a toddler didn't want to wear his seatbelt (or wouldn't sit still or whatever, depending on the version you read), so his family was asked (forced?) to leave the airplane they'd been on.  While I would need to know EXACTLY the kid's behavior was like to make a totally reasonable judgment call, I am in favor of the airline's decision, because: while it's too bad the toddler is uncomfortable (or cranky or sleepy, depending on the version you read), why do his rights supersede the rules of air travel?  More importantly, why does the parent even question the airline's right to enforce it?

All of us work and live and play on this planet under various parameters.  There are limits.  Children, if they are rational beings, need to understand this concept...and parents are the ones who help them learn it.  If parents don't teach their children that there are limits, what dangers (obvious and unimaginable) do we put them into?

It's a biggie...an issue that's getting kicked around a lot at our house.  Druckerman, in her book, speaks of the French idea of cadre - a frame.  Essentially, French parents choose a few key areas in which they are very strict...and then are relaxed about most everything else.  French children experience a tremendous amount of freedom...but within limits.  The philosophy is that children flourish when they know these boundaries.

This is not new information, I admit.  American parents have heard of the ideas of limits for years.  But, to ask myself: If there were only three or four KEY areas that I could be strict about, what would they be?  Now...there's a fruitful discussion.

Things to Think About - Summer Edition

Today is the first full day of "summer" here at my house.  Yesterday, my children were let out of school 90 minutes early, and within the hour, the squabbling and bickering had begun.

This morning, my oldest's son first words were to his little brother, admonishing him to "please be more quiet when he wakes up".  This was, oh, around 7:30...and all three kids were awake.

And we have twoish more months to go.

Here's the paradox I face this summer: With a bevy of camps, classes, and activities at my disposal, I could easily schedule my children so that they wouldn't hardly need to interact with each other.  While that would cut down on fighting (maybe - no quantifiable data present), it also means I spend my summer taxiing my kids to their various things.  I suspect this route would alienate our family even further.

But.  All family, all the time?  No extra classes or camps?  No soccer tournaments?  I don't think that is totally desirable for the emotional well-being of all parties involved.

There's got to be a compromise.

I've just started reading Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting...and the author notices a "invisible, civilizing force" among French children and their parents.  No coercion, no fear, no ignoring, but French children behave AND interact positively with their parents!

So, it looks like that's my task for the summer.  Yeah. 

Shameless Plug

My apologies for not posting here sooner.  School is out for me, and I've been finishing various long-waiting tasks.

Which reminds me...

My NaNoWriMo novel from 2009 - My Father's Daughter - has become available (like, today!) at Smashwords. 

It's a relief to finally have it converted.  Now...onto to other things!  This summer looks to be promising.  Our FES goes home in about two and a half weeks, and there will be some room shuffling that ensues after his departure.

Then, I've purchased a four-week unit study curriculum on the Olympics that I'll start with the kids in June.  Even though Spencer will go back to public school next year, I see no reason why all my kids can't spend some of their summer learning!

As for myself, I plan to read as much of the works of Mark Twain that I can.  I suspect my NaNo 2012 novel will have something to do with him.

And Finally! The Tenth Secret

#10: Wisdom is Avoiding All Thoughts that Weaken You.

I can read and comprehend all the words written above.  I can even comprehend the meaning behind the entire sentence.  However, my brain stumbles a little every time I read (and reread) these words...and I think it is because the sentence above is a perfect example of an idea that is so simple and yet so complex.

Simple in its theory - yes, obtaining wisdom seems easy.  Avoid weakening thoughts.
Complex, though, in the sense that execution is difficult.  Paradox!

Here's the mental breakthrough I've had while reading this book.  Dr. Dyer's secrets to inner peace and success are truly accessible...if we are willing to retrain our brains.  We must think purposefully, constantly monitor our internal reactions to thoughts, and visualize what to do with such thought when they arise.

In fact, Dr. Dyer says, "Authentic wisdom is the ability to monitor yourself at all times to determine your relative state of weakness or strength, and to shift out of these thoughts that weaken you (146)."

In what might be construed as a little spiritual physics lesson, Dyer discusses the idea of power and force (as first elaborated upon by a Dr. David Hawkins).  Power involves thoughts that move us upward (the "high" energies - love, peace, kindness, joy, willingness, etc.).  Force involves the "low" energies that drive us downward (anger, apathy, fear, shame, and guilt).  The trick is to be aware when a "low" energy is acting upon you, and respond with a "high" one.

Empowering thoughts are healthy - not only in mind, but in body.  (Now that honestly I'm not 100% sold on...but the spiritual part I buy).  Ultimately, how we think, how we react - is totally our choice.  We carry our thoughts around with us, they are ours, we control them!

The quotes for this particular subsection stood out to me, so I'll share them here - along with one of President Abraham Lincoln's.

"Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create that fact." - William James
"Nothing is, unless our thinking makes it so." - William Shakespeare
"People are as happy as they make up their minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln

One last final observation on the book.  Many of Dyer's secrets work in synergy with each other...killing two birds with one stone, to use a tired cliche.  For example, Secret #1 advises us to let things go and be attached to nothing.  Dyer reminds us that it's okay for us to have thoughts but that we should immediately let them go.  This principle resonates with Secret #10...avoid weakening thoughts.  When we let the negative thought go, we move towards wisdom. 

I enjoyed reading this text with my husband.  We were provided with rich and meaningful discussion...not to mention mental awareness!

Treasure Your Divinity - Secret Nine

Honestly, I was ill-disposed to this section's title upon first reading.  Until I realized Dyer is pushing God in the divine, general sense of the word, which may have nothing to do with the Christian church God (although it very well could).

Dyer speaks of being separated from our "source" of divine power, and that accompanying feeling of disconnection.  A particularly illuminating subsection here addresses egos.  Dyer says, "Your ego is nothing more than an idea that you carry around with you everywhere you go."  While this doesn't sound terribly harmful, our egos throw the following spiritual obstacles:

- it is formed by what you have, what you do...and it "tells" you this is who you are.
- it puts you in competition with others for various resources
- it fosters distrust and wariness
- it reminds you (usually not in a constructive way) of what you're missing
- it saps our energy by keeping us in a "constant state of fear, anxiety, worry, and stress"

I'm no psychology major, but I can see the validity in this concept.  Ego is what keeps society searching for ways to lose weight, stay young and be trendy.  On a literal level, it's a problem because ego is causing the world to develop a convoluted sense of entitlement.  It's our egos that keep us from being grateful or reaching out to "fill each other's buckets".  On a deeper level, it prevents us from questioning our true purpose in life.   Our ego chains us to this material planet.  Ultimately, in the end, what we have and what we do does not follow us into death and beyond.

Now, here's the fun part (for me, anyway).  We're all Divine creatures.  We're part of the Divine creation, and there is a spark of Divinity in everything around us.  Dr. Dyer goes so far as to state, "We are God."  While I might have trouble stomaching that, it's food for thought.  We are Divine - we go beyond the material - beyond the ego.  We are greater than it.

While there is much in this book that provokes my thought, two concerns continue to plague me.  True, I have not finished the book yet, but I've read ninth-tenths, which is enough to substantiate.

1. Specific ways to enact each of the secrets.  Sure, Treasuring My Divinity sounds great, but exactly how do I do it?  Maybe by Embracing Silence?  Meditating?  Unsure?  I'm of a practical disposition, and some things just honestly need to be spelled out for me.

2. Inaccessibility of some of the text.  Comprehension comes differently for everyone, and while I can read and understand all of the words on the page, sometimes, the ideas are too lofty or ethereal or esoteric...which can be off-putting at times.

That being said, I am glad I have attempted to recapture some of the thoughts here.  I hope to continue the reflection on and implementation of many of Dyer's ideas